Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
