Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
