dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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