I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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