That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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