Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Church boner. Awkwardddd
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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