batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
