woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
