It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
