Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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