Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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