I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
