If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
