I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
