I just cut my nipple shaving
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
