Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
