the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
