Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
