theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
