And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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