it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
