I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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