I wannas sexs uuuuu
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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