They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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