Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
