...so i touched it.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
