Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
