So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
