I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
