i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
