i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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