if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
