im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
