I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
My bed smells like the plague
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
