So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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