He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
