she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Randomize
