You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
jump out the window naked night went bad
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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