I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Randomize
