Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
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