There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
