Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
