I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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