why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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