Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
im holly from the hills drunk
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
