Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
