I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
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