loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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