Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Im part way to drunk.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
