it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
