you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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