which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
