Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
