I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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